4.17.2011

A Little Bit of A Rant

This might end up being kind of long, so if you aren't into it, I suggest going no further.

I know this is supposed to be a blog about gardening, but sometimes my life intervenes, and not in the best way. This morning proved to me yet again why I hate my job. I went to the airport to sit on alert just in case someone got sick last second for example, and they need a flight attendant to replace the sick person. Well, I went in only being good for one day, meaning, I had tomorrow off. Emphasis on the HAD. I got to work, and already had a FOUR day trip on my line. Now, let me just tell you, I didnt even pack a toothbrush because the odds of this happening are so slim, that well, I just didn't think to pack for a multi-day trip. I have my laptop and a pair of PJ's. So, I get assigned the trip, call hubby and shout and swear and say all kinds of horrible things to him that he didn't deserve, and went on up to the concourse where I continued to yell and swear at my crew, whom I later apologized to after the tears and anger were swept from my face. I think I must have cried 7 different times today. I cried to Hubby, to my crew, to Momma Gardener, and mostly to myself. I am even starting to cry now.

So I called ahead to the hotel and arranged for the shuttle to drive me to WalMart so I could replenish my necessities, all of which I have at HOME with my multi-day luggage. I got underoos, pantyhose, toothbrush, shower stuff, etc. Now let me go on with my food rant. Why is it so hard to find FOOD??? Like, unpackaged, unsugared, unsalted, uneverything food. Honest to God FOOD! I didn't fare so well on the hunt and ended up with canned soup, craisins, an orange, an apple, a couple of bagels, and individually packaged cream cheese. Oh and yogurt and blueberries. The blueberries took me forever to find and I think were the only fruit they had that wasn't already cut and washed and packaged up.

I was not even smart enough to pack my homework. I will be so far behind this week, it won't even be close to funny. I am dreading my days off, considering I won't even be able to touch the garden. 

Sitting outside at the WalMart in my pj's and flipflops was just a cherry on the pie of my day. I have never felt more alone and more depressed in my life. Even when I was going through my divorce. Now, I have never mentioned that before, but yes, I was married before Hubby and I met. Long story short, it was a short one, and ended terribly, and I am happy it is over with. But since then, I never thought I could feel so low. And today I felt like the scum of the earth. I treated every one around me like total garbage, and they all forgave me. Mostly I treated Hubby like garbage. I have been a total bitch (and uh, I don't want you to take that lightly... I mean a TOTAL B) and have treated him like everything I hate is his fault. It isn't his fault. It's mine. It is my fault that I am getting closer to 30 every day, and have no degree, no real career, not even any good prospects, and am stuck in a job that makes me so miserable I just want to fall off the face of the earth. I don't know if Hubby will ever forgive me for the way I have been acting, but I sure hope he does. I hope that he doesn't resent me. If it weren't for him, I couldn't do half of the things I do, especially my garden, school, and having such a wonderful home to live in. If anyone is a failure lately, it is me.

Now what is the point of a rant? Just that, to rant. To just get it all out, even if no one is around to listen or give you a shoulder to cry on. Just a way to get whatever it is that is bothering you off of your chest. Thanks for listening to my rant cyberspace.

6 comments:

  1. So sorry you had a terrible day! I know how you feel about your job. As a high school math teacher, I definitely hate several parts of my job and the contant stress associated with it. I dislike it so much that I have decided this is my last year as a teacher. I still don't know exactly what I'm going to do...but it won't be teaching. I hope things calm down for you and your husband understands what you're going through. I hoping whatever your going to school for makes you very happy (after all the schooling is done). Have a better day tomorrow!!!

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  2. Thanks for your positive words! I hope you have a good path ahead of you after you leave teaching. It is such a hard decision to make when considering leaving your job. Good Luck!!!!

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  3. I'm sorry you had a terrible day. And that you had to go on a multi day trip. Thank goodness you can go to a Walmart to get the essentials. I'm sure the hubby knows that you didn't mean what you said. I'm sure he'll accept your apology. Have a better day.

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  4. pea pod..... everyone, and I mean everyone, has bad days...you had a douzzy! and you forgot to mention you were in Raleigh in the aftermath of the horrible tornados.... thank goodness Wal Mart was still standing....

    this too shall pass.... I love you so much more than you will ever know, and even when you are far away, in your pjs and flip flops, I have my arms around you~~

    Momma

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  5. We all have bad days and take out our anger and frustrations - usually on someone we love! So it's not a big deal:)

    I do like that you apologize and sounds like you have a wonderful hubby who realises that you had a terrible day!! It really helps to rant somedays and get it all out! Hope you have better days soon!

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  6. Everyone has days they wish they could give back. You had one that takes the cake! Your husband loves you (bad days and all) just as you love him (bad days and all). Thankfully you have each other!! I'm sorry your day was so crappy. But I'm thankful for people who can rant and be honest on their blog!! Hang in there, babe! We're rootin' for ya!

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